.hmmmmmmm
..hmmmmm what can i say
..went to my brothers for a bbq..got a lecture and a half about many things.. he again went through why john(guy earlier this year)and i werent together(my fault apparently)..i made it difficult for him to be with me when i told him i didnt need him..cos he was head over heel in love with me (brothers words as he met him)(oh he also went on about other things/boys etc as well- oh yeah dont forget i should retire from squash too hmmmmmmm)
..i stand by my answer..if someone asks me if i need them ..my answer will always be NO... i will not ever need people... i can exist without them...you can still breathe,eat,sleep..... they are what you NEED.... maybe its my definition..but there it is.. i will only be with someone cos i WANT to be with them..not because i need them nor because they need me
anyway feel a bit emotionally harangued..also he doesnt realise(and i dont want any comments made regarding this next bit please)
..he was going on and on and on about my emotional issues(or lack of connection) and i mentioned that he doesnt know everyting that has occurred and that maybe there had been an incident that occured and maybe that infact did f7ck (understandably) with my psyche for a while..anyway he did shut up for a while at least..i think he understood or surmised something approximating the actuality.... and backed the truck up..
..i dont put myself out there all the time..and that is a choice i make... i do stay in my 'safe' little friendships
..tonight just really made me miss my sister...
..and then coming home tonight cg was trying to have a conversation that i really didnt want to have... yes i know he doesnt care... tonight is seriously not the night to tell me ..
..im feeling a tad fragile...........
3 comments:
Hope you're feeling better today, sounds like you had a shit awful day yesterday!
I am also a victim of being too independent for my own good and have had more than one relationship end because "I don't need anyone". I have a love me as I am or F$@k off attitude, harsh but true.
Maybe it is a Gen X chick thing?!
I'm not sure that there is anything at all wrong with your attitude, it sounds pretty healthy to me. Being with someone because you want to - sounds right to me. Keep your chin up and don't take to heart too much what others say, even if it is your brother (sometimes family members can be the biggest pains). Just keep on being true to yourself and things will come good I'm sure.
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