XCR09 sandown relays-a GUTBUSTER

-you may have picked up that i was a bit nervous about being in the first relay team(it is somehow different when you race singly(ie cos i have been in the first team nearly every week) but i was KEENLY feeling the pressure) i went and did number 2's 4 times once i GOT to sandown...ughghgh i dont love pre-races
and when i do my warm up i barely feel like i can even run... lol... i was as i said extremely nervous... running second leg. 2 years ago(the year i ran my previous 10km pb) i ran 28:38 for the 6.2km the year after that(back injury year) 29:04, last year 28:14- my garmin was uncharged so unsure how my pacing would go...
skip over if bored-RACE details
-start off-catch up to a western A's boy... start thinking hmmmmm pretty sure he's faster than me-maybe too fast, nah hes going slow -pull along side him ready to overtake, and then actually think... ummmmm jo- cam passed to him-hes too FAST for stu's team- DO NOT go ahead of him- then i kinda settled behind(and in the next km he easily pulled away) how bizarre is it, that in the first m you can be running prob 4min kms and it feels like 4:45!!! anyway the first lap was going ok- pulled away from people up the first grind(wont call it a hill) but it was also into a headwind-a dn it was kinda at this stage that i thought- OH SH&T i think i have gone out too hard- crossed the 3.1km in 13:37 and thought hmmmmm this next 3kms is gonna be toguh-cmon jo you can handle it...
ok got past where everyone could see me and i was NOT a happy camper-then i saw stu on the sidelines yelling something to me(and if i had more energy i may have veered wide and PUNCHED him(wasnt loving racing at this moment) went round the bend and into the headwind and YES HILL(where did that come from wasnt there FIRST lap)- it was at this stage i started thiking-ok so 13:37 lap first im going to do 14-14:30 min lap-still a pb(at one stage i thought i was doing 6min kms) .seriously struggling towards the end of the hill-breath RAGGED, had that MAJOR clenching in the belly(honestly though i would hurl) other thought s in my head were
'why am i racing, I hate it"
' i want to walk- i can't possibly finish"
'my belly really hurts- no really it really hurts-other voice-jo youre in the first team-you'd better keep your butt moving"
pulled into teh straight completely spent- had been shutting my eyes occasionally for about 2 or 3 steps at a time(like this would block out the horribleness)

tried to speed up a little(probably didnt -but i DID make an effort!)
finshed in 27:27 which is 47s faster than my pb from 3 years ago.. and whats funny is..they had loads of probs tryig to decide on teams because there is at least 5 of us who are super close every week.. the girl who i beat by 4 s at coliban(same leg)-but is a FastER runner than me was 1s behind me..the u16 girl beat me by 12s(she beat me by 4 sec at geelong-but im a better hill runner)
and the girls in teh other team- 2of them dead heated-how funny- not far behind us- but the teams were picked as they should have been.. wheew what a relief

-and yes i will be racing at the Tan
and OMG i hate it BUT i also LOVE it-way tuckered out..i seriously RACED as HARD as i could...am completely spent..and stu beat me by 20ish seconds(as he should! cos he IS FASTER!)