..clarification

..i think some people have misinterpreted what i was saying(thanks for all the nice thoughts however)
..i was sad.. I AM NOT HEARTBROKEN.. i felt rejected...NOT HEARTBROKEN..i wallowed for two days and feel much better now(also reports time so am more stressed than usual)
..i was the one who brought up the 'dating' thing with cg..and if im honest with myself ...i 'knew' what the answer would be
..at no time has he actually led me on or said anything to make me think otherwise..
..i just needed to get it through my thick skull that he wasnt interested
..i didnt want it to drag on for another 5 months with me wondering if maybe he would change his mind...
..as i said to him when he expressed concern a couple of months ago that i was getting too attached...i am a big girl and when i get too attached, i will do something about it..
..i was starting to get too attached, so i did something about it....
..it was my choice to be involved with cg, and i am an adult and knew what that entailed

running:
alarm went off 5:30..turned it off and rolled back over to go to sleep..couldnt get back to sleep cos i knew i couldnt run tonight and i was working out what to say to stu..for y i didnt run...ummmm alarm didnt go off..nupp..so hauled my fat A out of bed and went to the track...

..now bear with me.... i think im pretty funny.... so this is the email i sent stu regarding my training this morning...
ENTITLED: NEWS FLASH
Girl found slumped over the table at the local footy oval
when approached by local reporter as to why she was in such distress, her reply was..i just had to do 5x800m sets in wet sloggy grass and couldn’t maintain the pace set by slave driver stu..
Stu?who is this stu? He sounds really quite mean
(gosh im a funny bugger)

LOL… I found the session really hard today…either im not as fit as you think or not as fast
Set 1: 100/105 HR 163
Set 2 105/110 HR 175(got up to 183 during 2nd lap so slowed a little)
Set 3 104/109 HR 179 was absolutely stuffed..took 90s
Set 4 106/111 HR 178 completely stuffed..wasnt sure if I could even manage a 5th set
Set 5 107/116 HR 179 omigod could barely even do a jog cool down

No excuse I just suck
..although I think the grass make s a massive difference..and especially in the 30m that had puddles and was very soft and squishy underfoot
..not sure if the massage yesterday has any effect

..i found the session extremely hard…. At least I got out of bed.. I really didn’t like you very much at 5:30 am ( I turned off the alarm and was going to completely skip the session today… and then felt bad so hauled my A down to the track…


YEAH OK...SO i have a slightly whacked sense of humor..off to the work xmas party..had double booked myself... and today got asked if i was going tonight..what??? to hte party....ohhhh is that tonight.... quick scramble around telling my other two friends what a dreadful person i am but im bailing on them... still doing report proof reading..and im not joking: i am going to take reports to proof read on the tram trip on the way over

..jojo is a silly silly girl

..boys are plain silly..and just dont know whats good for them..
..anyway am feeling a bit better..
jh..let me be a tiny bit less cryptic than usual
..the whole reason i had to have the conversation with cg as to whether he actually wanted to date me or not was because
a) i kept knocking back offers of dates
b) i actually wanted to date him
c) had put it off for ages
d) the last time i let a cg linger, it ended up going on for 18 months(and then the was the christian 12 year debacle)

as i said..i am not mad at him at all.. he HAS NOT done anything wrong at any stage.. he cant help that he doesnt like me..but it does make me sad..cos i actually think we would have been very good together... c'est la vie... you cannot make someone want to be with you

..and im such a loser.. ive already had a guy ask me on a date..who is
a)hot
b)good job
c)no obvious baggage..ie doesnt have a squillion kids
d)actually wants to be seen in public with me.. and after just chatting to me..the next day sourced my friend in order to get my number..
e)likes my personality(as opposed to someone else who hates my personality :(
..and the reason im such a loser..is i dont even really want to go... because he is not the person that i really want to date..sigh...
..im thinking about going on the lemon detox thingy..time for me to drop a couple of kgs i think..ive sat on 62kgs for 2 long..time to get down to 60..im relatively skinny at that weight(its a noticeable 2kgs..sits on my belly)

..sad.and later..racing..

..i am a sad little pussycat who is feeling really quite rejected at the mo..and it doesnt help that i have to see him tonight either.. and no im not angry with him..people cant help who they do or dont like... today has just been a horrible horrible day..
i have been doing my very best turtle impression..which is where i pull my head and feet back into my cosy little shell :(
..racing tonight...not what i feel like doing when i have the opposite of energy at the moment

EDIT:later that night
yeah sorry boys..its not my idea to keep it secret..i would love to 'out' him..but no point anyway now
..em.. the grass certainly isnt greener on my side :( stupid boys..and even more stupid me

RACING:
yeah tonight was pretty tough one for little jojo..was feeling quite emotional..
800m 2:44 -would have liked to have run faster but still faster than last week..either 81/83 or 80/84 not sure

1500m- supposed to be 90s laps then bring home last 300..maybe 5:45
not even close...MASSIVE blowout
90/98/99 then tried to speed up.. during the 800- it was good to have my coach telling me what to do with 300 to go... but the 1500-if id had more breath with 600 to go he may have noticed that i sometimes have a not so nice yet colourful(expletive driven) vocabulary... i had nothing in the tank
then 400m relays..was going to coast it(ran in flats) but then i noticed myself gaining on the girl in front so actually came home pretty strong... stu said that i had actually gained a little on clare(she was ahead of me at baton change) so considering her time, im quite pleased with that given how much i had run and how sh1te i actually felt
..im very disappointed with my 1500(10s slower than last week :( but in the debrief with stu..even though he was trying to placate me about it, we did realise this is the first time i have done the 800 and 1500 in the one night since my return

..and i was trying to be an adult tonight..it was a tough night in more ways than one for me..and im tired and feeling a little emtoional so i bought some comfort food on the way home...crisps
..i got a lot of ..are you ok..from people at work today... cos i literally barely spoke..

..back away little cars ..nice and slowly

definition:
scatty cat: - jojo during report week (and maybe occasional other times ;)

i want to live in a keyless society(oh yeah and maybe a rubberised version of the world too..like a great big jumpy castle..how cool would that be...no-one would ever get hurt ..LOL oops sidetracked.. no ownder my old flatmate used to always tell me i was a cartoon character!!!

and also im sure mnay of you wonder how i manage to stay sensible throughout the day long enough to teach the little rugrats(12-17years olds) mathematics.. i think it just sucks all the sensible STIPEND that i have for the week LOL..o boy im in one of THOSE moods

umm at school today..as i was about to leave ..i ummmmm errrr lost my keys... i searched for over half an hour..was pretty grumpy(its also report time) eventually found them wedged between a wad of papers..god i suck!!!! i drive me nuts sometimes
..yesterday i went from pasco vale(thinking i was kinda half way there) thought id go have a chat with stu about running...ummmmm someone may have got slightly lost..and taken an hour to get there ,...uggggggggh i am a disaster!!!!
..then on the way home tonight ..i actually tried VERY hard to have a head on collision -which was my fault..
i was in a right turn lane(thought the arrow went with the green light) cars to the left went..so did i (i was writing reports in my mind) and all of a sudden realised(along with a whole heap of tooting in front and behind me) that umm err i had a red arrow.. so i reversed ..sheepishly..and had to sit there like the morin i am..lol
..no surprises that ALL of the CARS gave me a very WIDE berth... .no wonder a friend of me told me i sound like a psycho lady sometimes
..physio today..brought up moving to 5 days runnnig a week(not impressed just said that i would have physio more often..my aunt knows better than to argue) i assumed when stu said soon it meant next 2 weeks..sigh ..apparently not til at least january..and there i was thinking i was being a good conchy girl..
..what does ..soon.. mean to you... as i said to sara tonight.. anything that is 'next year' is not soon..no matter what month..LOL
..so back is strapped, achilles and back haveultra sound.. and did you know- i bet you didnt- liquid mylanta under the bandage apparently stops the itching and redness-there ya go!
..oooh and i sent my cg an email...that he is going to HATE... and im freaking out a bit

..ummmmm yeah..in case you cant tell, my brain is a bit all over the shop tonight..LOL
...maybe i should try breathing ...slowly jojo..inhale two three exhale..lol
...ooh ooh ooh racing tomorrow..yep not helping!!!!

..dehydrated or just no ticker

yep todays run could be classified as a tick on the box(but only just)-i almost didnt make it

all of my runs this week have been hideous...seriously..probably the report writing stress ting or i just suck and dont look after my body thing
10kms this morning and i couldnt maintain5:30 pace so sat on 5:40 pace..stopped up anderspn st in the shade for a minnie at 2kms before i booted my back into gear..the whole run was a complete slog..was going to pull the pin at 8kms..but we all know im conchy little gal and must do what is set... the title really sums this up best.... i do actually think after yesterday i was still very dehydrated..didnt have my water next to my bed so no drinks throughout the night..and then i didnt eat before i run(which i never do) but i did have dinner last night at 6.... anyway not gonna dwell on it... it was crap..lets move on..achilles both sore..left the worst..and back ..well suffice it to say it doesnt love me now..physio tomorrow followed by racing tues(yep very quick turnaround) then massage on wednesday
(and reports in there somehwere too...eeeek..)
last week with the boys next week :) :)

ramblings:
..the universe is a funny thing.. sometimes you bitch and moan about something ..and it presents you with a neat little package to say that is not how the world works
..sometimes im cynical(would prefer not to be) but there really are just a LOT of good people out there
..im tired and hungry..and about to go to a xmas do at my oma's(grandmother) nursing home... probs will be the last time we see her(she is really very frail now and seems to be going downhill)..she a tough old lady...remarkable too..she was in the underground in the 2nd world war - and used to hide people in walls, move arms across the country, secured her brother release from a prison(and my grandfather) with fake documents... its a pity we havent got all the stories down..she tells some horrible ones too of seeing a very young child pushed over a balcony because he called the german officer father.. i think sometimes us junior burgers forget just how good we have it
..anyway with that pleasant thought, this seriously sunburned little tacker is going to eat..again

..i didnt know my heart could beat that fast

track today...ummmm miss jo was feeling kinda faint...like someone had sucked all my energy out of me..i dont really get hangovers anymore..but i describe the feeling as being all raggedy anne...
..ummmmm i AM SUCH A DISASTER ...lol
..met sara at glenferrie road to get some cash off her(as i had lost my wallet) then toodled off for sausage roll,stopped in at the bank and managed to convince them to give me 300 without any form of ID..back to sara to pay back the loan (LOL)...i was in and out of the hair shop so many times i think she thought i was stalking her..lol
..rang my gf to apolgise for being sooooooo drunk(i may have fallen over) and to ask where the last place was called so i could ring about wallet... oops drop phone cos the police are there... put in earpiece and resume talking with the police behind me...feeling a bit nervous..they followed me for about 2kms and then put their lights on...bugger..
PC hello joanne ( i jumped out of my car)-heart thumping so fast
..its ok you didnt do anything wrong..just a slow sat morning...blow into this please.
...omg i just about threw up..my mind was racing..how many drinks did i have last night...would it all be out of my system....
..and then he said it was fine...and im going to him...omg my heart is racing
..back in car..ring sara and was still all over hte shop
..rang stu(was going to ask about a pacing thing but forgot to do so)... poor boy..i think i was talking at 680 words per minute... he listened for one minute and then said..i gotta go...LOL

..then my gf rang up and said she had found my purse on her couch....woohoo.. although how i didnt find out at the bar is beyond me..i mustnt have bought ANY drinks for anyone else...little tight-ass
..i think the hot english guy and his friend were buying drinks mostly...oh well im sure i made a good impression when i fell over .... at this stage i left them all and just went home(to get yelled at by a cabbie)..although quite nice for the ego to be told that you are smart and funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that was obviously earlier in the night LOL)
yes i jest not..... FUNNY!!!!!!!

TRACK
800
stu told me to run 2:45 with a first lap of 82s
..i was feeling quite ill before so not sure if i could hit this time
first lap 82(woohoo) and finished in 2:45...perfect.. and as i walked past stu..im like i followed your instructions to the T, hit it in 82s.... and i got a solemn look with an 'I know' lol
400
feeling even worse now..no energy at all
69.96 (i think my PB is 69.97) so may have just got it

its funny ..i was talking after the run with this girl clare(who stu coaches) and last week i was in front of her for the whole race..whereas this week she took off and i only just managed to catch her in the last 50... anyway she was like...i was wondering when you were going to overtake me...which i thought was quite funny..cos i can tell you ..with 100 to go i didnt think i was going to be able to.... THAT 400 HURT HURT HURT HURT
i felt horrible during the run...
also am wondering if maybe im starting off too slow in the 400??
the 10min cool down was even tough
..and i did get a pat on the head for following instructions in the debrief..lol
i am soooo tuckered out... the first aid guy did a shitbox job of taping my back too...i was almost going to ask my coach to do it...but i thought he might get cranky if i asked LOL
ANDREW: in response to your question..i had the computer kinda on my portable table(and sometimes i kneel on floor instead of sit on chair cos of back.. i had my head on my knees and then lifted my head and cracked my snoz on the computer...loooooooooser springs to mind

..oops

..ok..i lost my wallet ...yes again
..and apparently realising this fact when you get out of the cab does not make said cab driver happy.. he was yelling and screaming at me..and saying he was going to call the police..and i was saying yes call teh police..i wanted to pay him but didnt have my wallet and i would take details and pay later..hmmm no such details in mybag i see( i thought i had also lost my phone but when i scouted around outside..yep it was sitting on my fence..ive tried to ring the cab company so i can pay them(not pay today as i have NO cash-thanks sara who is lending me some) and theyve gone without a cab number we cant help you..and im like...well surely he would have complained about me??? she's like ...its too hard to dind...how many cabbies complain EVERY night???? anyway i feel bad and would like to pay the guy his 25 dollars...
...big headache now(i dont know how i got so drunk) well yes maybe it was the 2 million wines i had..ouchies.. track later today..have to try to collect myself before then...will post later