..oooh a ride

ok its official..i do NOT live in point cook after all...i live in a wind tunnel...lol...it wasnt that windy on first glance, but seriously-it was so windy when riding-it is completely unsheltered.in particular at altona beach..i was having to work seriously hard to keep the pace at 20kms an hour(hybrid not road bike)-and i had to keep the gears easy so i wouldnt strain
..anyway an hour ride -just over 20km(im so slow its ridiculous) it was a much harder workout than water running too! then it was off to clinical pilates(a hard session today-dont know whether an hour ride contributed to that) got given more and harder exercises..i can actively feel that my core is stronger-even just when walking(and riding today) it is activated much more often- i think in the past i havent really been using it at all
-the back pain lately is not as bad as it had been(a little sore tonight but not bad bad) hard to say whether that is the huge reduction in kms/not running consecutive days/pilates/combination of all
its a very happy miss jo at the moment.am really such a lucky lucky person

..to coin an old expression

HOLIDAYS ARE ace(yes ace is way old...but soooooo descriptive)

ok havent blogged for a few days
fri-cant remember too long ago....lol..but we had the rugrats this weekend so stu and i and his troupe went out to dinner at one of those family pizza restaurants..and i drank some terrible house white...
then i was supposed to train at the track saturday morning but my back was niggly,,,, and its been a bit of a concern because it is the right soide which last time caused foot drop... anyway decided to err on the side of caution and do a water run....ugghhghgh i have to get a bike windtrainer sorted-this water running does my head in(although the water kinda make my back feel better)
..then feed the boys and off to michelles grand final bbq..where (over the course of about8 hours) we consumed a VAST quantity of champagne....lol... i fell asleep in the car on the way home..and when we got home..couldnt help get the boys out or anything...just headed straight for bed,...lol
it was great to hang out with michelle and mark and of course the gorgeous Em, the boys were very well behaved

..yeah woke up this morning to stu going for a one hour run....one of the boys came and got me about setting up a video...so i got up...but wasnt feeling fabbo
...then i had to go for a 1hour run.....OMG thank god theyre not all like that.... hideous would be an under estimation..at 8 mins had to have a 5m walk break and drink, same again at 15 min, then i stumbled through to 30mins where i plonked myself on the ground and wondered how i could possibly make it home(there was a teensy bit of dry retching...oopsies)...anyway staggered back..pretending to run but really i think i was just trying not to fall over.. once i went to the shop and bought a sugary drink i felt human again..just in time to start getting ready for my dads bday lunch that i had invited the gang over here for
..stu cooked(hes such a darling boy(well mostly :) ) and a great time was had.(no drinks for me-although i am starting to contemplate one now
and i was 55 MILLION dishes... funny how when you have 12 people there are a LOT of dishes

one more week of holidays...oh sorry did i call them holidays..i meant days where i can go see medical practitioners.physio tomorrow-and maybe the dr about my very infected finger(from the scissor grass cutting incident) if it is still this swollen-the chemist dude today looked at it and is like-i dont have anything string enough for that.have some betadeine but i reckon your gonna have to go to the doc for some antibiotics
..hope not.//anyway its looking a bit better now..
anyway CIAO to y'all in blogland

...busy day...quelle surprise

..slept in a bit-the bf was pretty quiet when he left-he is a good boy-as ive said b4-ill keep him :)

then it was off to my aunt who is a physio-she was running a bit late(9:40 but didnt go in til 9:50) a bit of massage-ouch around l4/L5 and L5/s1 -as usual..then differential)9a current passing between 4 points) i love this-its great
..then off to olympic park sports med to see katrina for one on one clinical pilates- did some tough stuff today at least 6 new exercises-withe me setting up the machines(ill be able to do solo soon) then sent a not so nice message about something which has been stressing me-but thats been sorted now-yay
..and then home-reorganise the linen closet-ie actually fold EVERYTHING
..too slack to go running so go to the track with stu
supposed to be 10x150m@30s(3:20min/km) but instead did them at the following pace
rep 1. 28s (3:07min/kms... 19.2KM/H)
rep 2-6 27s (3min/kms............20.0km/h)
rep 7 26s (2:53min/kms......20.76km/h)
rep 8,9 27s (3min/kms............20.0km/h)
rep 10 23s (2:33min/kms......23.47km.h)
just so you can get that speed in perspective..remember it is 150m-could NOT maintain..stu told me to RACE an 11 year old-as if she was gonna beat me!a good one will- but someone close to my pace WONT!!!

stu gave me a sheet today to say what my time goals are
they may be a bit adventurous
200m - sub 30(low 30s b goal)
400m -64/65 without block practice as it hurts my back
800m 2:32
1500-5;30
3000-12:30

anyway will see how we go..... back is reasonably good today..i LOVE any day that is a good day with the back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..afternoon drinkies

..had a few chickybabes over for lunch today :) YAY

had a barbie-i made a potato salad and normal salad and then cooked up a stormon the bbq...ok well- maybe i didnt cook..one of my gfs did(she offered) and i went ooooh stu is gonna think im terrible..and theyre like why will he need to know...and i go..well he will ask you know...what do you mean..he will say...did you burn the sausages..and they chimed in..so you can honestly say NO..nd ive gone-it will have the tone!!! so when stu asked if i killed them with my cooking..ive gone noooooo? but obviously with the tone and hes like..what does that mean///lol/// so i fessed up//lol(i am wothout doubt the worst liar in teh world!!!
..had some champers or 20(kidding-had a couple tho) today... little tiddly

this morning..
water run 40mins...couldn make myself swim-too mcu to do..at least i didnt smash any champagne bottle today

one of stu's friends(and mine now) messaged me to see if we want a lodger f0r 3 months.chatted with stu and we are both cool with it..maybe thatll be the pre-cursor to them moving back to melbs
miss j may need a little bitty nap- it feels like midnight!lol... obviously im soft..i used to be able to drink all day AND night!!!

..answers first-a small mishap...then speed

okey dokey- a few answers first
andrew-no i dont really enjoy swimming..im craphouse at it!
ewen-of course my system is fairer :)i made it up you know...remind sme a bit of what someone said at the bbq..... hey jo -where's you're better half.... i look around as if hes not talking to me... and then finally...better half?????..... you so know IM the better half...and then pmsl..
i thought this next bit but didnt say it......also i may be living with stu but we ARE not now two parts to one whole-we are still two wholes thanks....

BIG DAY TODAY
foxtel came around today and had to leave him here while i went to pilates
..whilst short ^^ for 25 mins!!!!! i worked pretty hard today...eventually i will get to go by myself (unsupervised like a BIG GIRL(LOL)and use the machines and it will only cost about $20

then shopping as i have a few pals coming over tomorrow(4) so of course had to buy champers...um apparently IM not so good AT NOT DROPPING IT AND SMASHING IT INTO A MILLION PIECES AT ALDI-and do you have ANY concept how loud that is.... jojo drops head and wants to crawl under the table but d'oh theres glass under there..embarassing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and the very cute young boy(about4) saying they need to clean that up...yep cute but still wanting to disappear under the table
..then off to the track for non speed speed work.... that ummm really is speed work if im honest...i honestly nowhere near as fast as stu thinks i am//he said do 10x200(2km warm up-350m strides) at 40s ..the ones into the wind were 40s(with one at 3) but i think i may ave pushed too hard on the others...around 37-38s
..and umm the back is pretty average
..then stu and i went out -because it is DATE night...lol..thats what i always say about tuesdays...stu just rolls his eyes... anyway time to go...

...the WET kind of running

..snore central..a pool run 10mins normal..then ten minutes tempo(was pushing pretty hard-noticed my breathing) then 10mins normal
..then stu had instructed me to swim at least 250m...funny thing is today-i was actually swimming ok-albeit terribly slowly so i swam 500m... so relatively happy with that
..then my physio exercises,glute stretches hipflexor stretch hammy stretch and then rolled around on the tennis ball making all sorts of groaning noises..i wont repeat the comment that stu made during this!!!!! that tennis ball hurts like...um HELL

yesterday:
when stu got home he wanted to go for an hour run so i went on a slow bike ride-although when i commented that it felt like i was sitting on the couch-stu decided to take a short cut through the grass....lol (and my errrr kinda butt are a bit sore..im so soft! )
..and then a surprise call from michelle and her date :) and we all went out to Vietnamese in werribee....LOVELY-but the naughty girl would not even let me pay...i insisted and then noticed this morning that she had put money into my wallet..smack on the bum for her..and then a few drinkies back at my house

..that is NOT the run of a runner

...woke up with a headache and a sore throat this morning(just dehydrated i think-although still have a heady)
anyway my run this morning was NOT the run of a runner. It was the run of a person who has not run for 12months.Im NOT joking.it was abysmal. i had to stop for a drink nearly every 5 mins on the out trip...i felt like rubbish..couldnt get ANY sort of rhythm going at all, then turned around after 23 mins and straight into the wind...yay..there was just NO joy in it today
so 8kms made but no done well

THE LAST AV RACE OF THE SEASON
there are no excuses for how i ran yesterday. it was complete and utter sh1t. i just had no pace in the legs whatsoever. i wonder if that has something to do with the haf mara 2 weeks ago. just felt completely flat.couldnt get the legs to tick over.averaged 4:34min/kms but was expecting about 20s faster .was EXTREMELY disappointed- but maybe thats where im at. I havent been able to do any speedwork since the half

anyway last year i was ony 2 s slower and i slowed to 5min/kms for the last km and a bit cos i hurt my Achilles.so basically the race was pretty abysmal for me. i did pass one div1 runner so i was happy with that. Maybe 17:33(31 by my watch)is where im at and that is as fast as i get for the tan. no matter i spose

then out to the coburg for a bbq-whist my lad went off to his sisters wedding in shepparton-someone was tad tipsy last night...lol(and not me..i notice he was on the forum at 2.20am) then my brothers for dinner, then home(i was supposed to meet a friend out for a drink but i was having a headache and finding it VERY difficult to keep my eyes open)

anyway that enough from this sh1tbox runner.itll be back in the pool tomorrow.back is not too bad considering..
..athough i am trying to find some betadeine(but not doing a good job)..i cut my leg with the scissors(i was cutting some grass since the lawnmower broke and apparently my leg looks like grass!!! but i have been told once youve had celluitis you need to be a bit careful anytime you cut that leg..im not sure if thats tru or not???michelle?joey??

..of course ..a medical practictioner or two!

well it wouldnt be a normal day otherwise if i didnt see a medical practitioner now,would it! err a little bit over it at the minnie...am trying to not be a whingy la la- but feeling a bit well you can probably guess

9am for physio manipulation and the differential on my back(from aunt) then staright to opsm for sports physio to go through the pilates with me. well first of all we did an ultra sound so i could watch my TA and pelvic floor(they lift up nicely) but the TA is also using the large oblique muscle to assist which is a small no-no but she was pretty happy

then onto a machine which is kinda like doing squats in a lying position, then one legged squats(same machine) then calf lifts and a few to thers whilst concentrating really hard on TA and pelvic floor and not dropping the hips..then shown some stretches to do after every run and rolling on a tennis ball

then a quick 30min run in the pool :( im not whinging so im JUST NOT going to say anything more about it

then my bro came over to mow my lawns-but he broke the mower so its a quarter mown...lol... they gave me a lovely photo with lotsa photos of family-i cried a little..my angel nieces are too cute for words

...back is feeling better than a coupla days ago..

..loving living in my new place..with my ever so lovely bf

stu's friends(and mine now too :) ) coming over tomorrow so have to get the place into some sort of order lol

..another assessment by another medic :(

..had my initial assessment with katrina at opsm b4 we start clinical pilates on thursday. you know its not good when they start with a comment about how nasty your back injury is :(
..anyway... she checked that i know how to use my transverse abdominus and pelvic floor and all was ok-so that was a good thing.
the whole back thing being weak-ie the deeper stabilising muscles is pretty normal for a long term back injury...apparently as soon as you are having pain, they swicth off and hte bigger more powerful muscles(but they dont have endurance) kick in to take the load but cant sustain it and its just a vicious circle really-and then they get really tight and etc etc
..anyway was a bit depressed after- i hate having to go through the whole talk about the injury thing-it just makes me re-live it
anyway..as little running as possible. so much unpacking :(-it is very exhausting..poor stu looked a mess when he got home tonight)at least im on holidays..but im a bit over it-how much stuff can 2 people have???????its going to take weeks
..didnt want to go water running today...and stupid jo (close eyes boys) didnt take a tampon...d'oh and so scoured the car-nup.... d'oh...asked one of the girls behind the counter if they sell them..nope...d'oh..why dont they have a dispenser in the toilets...maybve there is one in first aid...nope...d'oh...fortunately one of the girls behind the counter had one in her purse and gave it to me...yeah good one miss jo...how embarassing !!!!
20mins in the pool... booooring but it did go quick..million things on my mind

bugger all running

yep
i had only run tues since sun (8days ago) well i guess -my sports doc doesnt want me running much and my coach seems to be having me do sweet FA kms :( and i guess i went for a swim on wed as well..feeling very lazy though-2 dyas though fri sat was acceptable due to the move but probs should have run yesterday
..anyway today was getting my place steam cleaned-they were late so i went for a 50min water run..where some runner due gabbed to me the whole time but it was hard to hear him(i am semi deaf tho!)
..only allowed to do 20-30mins tomorrow but then tomorrow is a busy day-pilates (one on one with a physio)
..also today went and saw my aunt-who was much more the 'enforcer than usual today' usually when i say it hurts(particularly between l4/L5 but L5/S1 was particularly bad and also very stiff in L2/L3) she backs off a bit-none of that today..she just kept going..and then put the current through the back(the differential) and again way higher than usual... and she did say to me she had worked me pretty hard and i may well be sore tomorrow..i was under orders from karen to get my back mobilised b4 i went to the pilates tomorrow.. its not great tonight though
..and ummm on the way to my aunts stopped and bought quite a few house things that i didnt need.... oopsies..but she also gave me a lovely casserole dish-she rocks

..busy coupla days..MOVING INTO A NEW HOUSE>>YAY

ok/.so its been a busy few days... lucky stu is letting me have a wee break after hte half mara anyway...cos after what i have been doing last coupla days..it would have to be water running anyway--- no matter how you work it -when you move theres always going to be lifting-even if it is stacking hte boxes for hte guys who are going to move you
..i hired people to come and move my big stuff... pretty reasonable really it cost 500 to move all my stuff from balwyn to point cook plus go to stus place in hoppers and then back to point cook! well worth it..well after stu and my efforts last night. we tried to move the TV cabinet(which i might add is apparently ALL my fault) and we broke the leg-and there was one truly horrible moment as the TV toppled off and onto the ground
..oopsies. we didnt want to turn it over and look. we have made a gash in the carpet-broken a 200- TV cabinet and tried our hardest to smash a big TV-all on the first night..
somehow-the TV didnt smash in a ZILLION(yes very mathematical) pieces-just broke some of te casing
..anyway apart from that mishap-the PLACE rocks..once we have unpacked a little i will put some piccies up
..my brother and his darling wife came and visited us yesterday- and we had stu's boys last night-poorkids had to sleep on a mattress -OUR bed got assembled but theirs didnt!naughty stu
..so a couple of days of being super busy coming up
..have physio appt monday after steam cleaning, tuesday -clinical pilates(at $75 a pop), wed steam cleaning and physio, thursday -clinical pilates... and a bucketload of unpacking
..oh yeah and some light running only- i am going to take my speed sessions into the pool- nowhere near the same
..oh and i am RACING the TAN relays
..i wa sonly SUPPOSED to have hte appt thursday with pilates starting next week-so im ahead of where i would have been EVEN if i raced.anyway thats my rationalizing and im sticking to it

PS-it is so great to be living in a house that i own! i LOVE it.and its nice! and well i just lOVE it
...whatta lucky lucky gal i am

oops better not chat for too long..might get in trouble from the bossy one ...LOL

..matter of fact

.sport doctor appointment today
.back so tight she said within minutes-i want to do dry needling- it is going to hurt in the back!(yay)and yeah it did..
..MRI etc wil probs have arthritis in back as get older :( back is crap it s along term management-some degeneration
core strength is shit
disc bulge at L4/L5 is the dodgy one, (the other one is not as bad
-facet irritation at same place
-apparently supposed to be some fluid between there- i have NONE
errrr other stuff as well
-some sacro iliac issue in the right side
-NO speedwork or hills for 4 weeks
-2 session a week with a physio pilates person
-then reassess-shes not taking me off complete running YET(her words)
-no point doing an injection YET- too much else going on and it will just revert immediately
-need some serous physio to mobilise-too tight at the moment for pilates to even be helpful
-tan relays not looking great-will be able to cruise -racing not looking likely :(

-bit upset really-looking for some sand to go and ostrich in
-at least im not faking it i guess :(

..yay

yay..my boys won a gold medal in the 4x400..woohoo..we also got a silver and a bronze(diff relays) was very exciting.. im hoping stu will let me pick his brain...one of the boys ran 2.00.48 last sat in the 8, ran 49.8 toaday in the 4 and wants to run sub 2:00 and wants a holiday training program...so hopefully stu will be feeling magnanimous as it is a bit out of my league
..hey em try not to scream... craig mottram is joining my boys and i for our training session on wednesday- how cool is that- one of our parents at the school is organising it-it sure is who you know
..anyway kinda exciting

have gotten more sore as the day has gone on..whatever tendon/ligament lulls the foot up(on the outside of the leg is extremely sore and tight and cant get in for a massage tomorrow :(

ouchies

sorry guys trying to catch back up with blogs.just got home.

oh and how nice is this..the first(yes the very first) thought that popped in my mind when i woke up was... how happy i was!!!!!!! i tell you that is a great way to start the day :)

..lol i still got it ;)

lol.... i have been MIA for the last few days.been very suick with a stupid cold(could barely pick my head up off my desk on friday after having to be at OP with the kids til 9:40 on thursday in the car after feeling terrible.didnt manage to get to the school function i was supposed to go to, in bed SUPER early friday night, then aths for work on satuurday morning where i was a DRILL sergeant at the long jump(i hyad 50 u13 and u14 boys to get through all tehir jumps warm up and taking of names-the rest were not so crazy
..and then out to dinner last night with david and nic who are staying over for the weekend..people to play with for the weekend :) then wondering this morning how on earth i was going to manage the half marathon
..did not feel great but definitely better than friday.super sore throat,lethargic and had defintely made the decision to not rae. i had told stu 5:30min kms and he said not to run that slow and to aim for 5min km and see how that went.i knew that was a no brainer-err as if i would be able to manage that
half mara-(itll be a long post so feel free to skip over)
went out at what felt like 5km pace ended up being 5:15 but knew i could go no faster..was feeling absolutely abysmal for the first few kms,and then some dude went to overtake me very slowly so i decided to tag along(i think i had slowed to about 5:20 pace)..so up until about 12kms was not feeling well at all-went through the first 10km in 52:30 dead on 5:15pace hit the 12km and said to Nat(dude i was running with) and felt a tiny bit better so still just hanging with Nat,after 15kms ive gone i reckon we will go sub 1:50 and hes like no way-that would be a massive pb(he was trying to work out what time he could do for the melb half) so hes started to speed up a teensy bit and ive gone..you can go faster if you want, but i dont think you should be speeding up just yet-waiti til 18kms... and then i said i would check our next few kms(but had decided to get some seconds in the bank in case we slowed' 16th km was 5:04 then 5:10 etc...so we were doing ok..although 18th km i ran 4:55 and just about killed him-this is where i told him if he wanted to get 1:50 he had to STICK with me, evrytime he dropped half a step i would say STICK and it became his little mantra.. he would then go in a very soft voice stick stick and this went on probably 10-11 times over the next 3kms, with 500 to go he started to lag and ive gone stick Nat, i want you to cross the line with me stick! and hes gone stick stick. we crossed together and ive turned to shake his hand and hes planted a great big kiss on my cheek ...awwww.... lol i still got it ;) haha kidding-you should have ssen how bad i was looking.when i got back to my club, i was semi laying on the ground-feeling terrible for a while.

..anyway.. its done..i got the points for my club :) even feeling like shit
ran 1:48.36 with 1st 10km 52:30 2nd 10km 50.34? and then 5:38 for 1.1km so for the mara 5:08min kms which is ok . felt like i ran it well and kept to the plan and finished at teh same pace/slightly faster

.podiatry and mri collection

..super day at work today-
not the least of which was a day pretty much free of back pain(tight but i can cope with that) yay NO panadeine-how awesome
,..then picked up my mRI- hard to interpret though-lots of things mentioned...
for all intent \s and purposes tho all the bad stuff is mainly on the right(that was the side with loss of foot function last year) however the majority and most searing pain comes from the left- no point second guessing will wait for karen
-there was mention of the l5/s1 and l4/l5 disc bulges- also mild facet joint disease in those spots, irregular joint spacing between somewhere..???, oedema(swelling on bot the left and right) and the left sacro iliac looks ok but the right side.........
anyway some of that is asymptomatic at the moment-rang my aunt(physio) who said i should have seen her since ive been in pain-and is going to give me intensive and often physio over the hols-probably 3x per week

RUNNING-sorry it took so long to get to it
plan 40 mins with 2nd 20 mins at 12km/h(5min/kms)
anyway the legs were completely leaden to start(and ive errr misplaced my garmin-
YES I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!) and i cant even tell you how slow i was going but upon reflection may have been slightly faster than the 5:40 i was predicting..maybe 5:30????5:35
anyway..ran out for 21mins and then negative split by 2 mins on the way back-so definitely running faster-very hard for me to judge pace though-
but for what felt like a SHITBOX run- i think i did ok in the end..
gotta sore throat which im trying to stave off!!!! like last time when naughty mr stu tried to make me sick with his germs..lol..its not his fault this time tho!

then off to the podiatrist-
sally childs..highly recommend her-
anyway we removed the 'bubble' from the left shoe as my foot has been going numb.. and then added the bubble in the right shoe to my minzunos-asics racers-saucony-nike spikes
-shes pleased very much with the diminished pain in the toe but not so happy with the fact that it is still just as swollen as ever-
apparently now if it doesnt improve(with 10 days of icing and voltaren gel daily-karen may apparently have to inject it or something!
why not shes probably gonna have to inject my naughty little back- maybe not-maybe im just a hyponchondriac and my back hurts bc it thinks it is supposed to-the mind can do funny things!!!!! althogh i have tried to tell it , it is fine but it didnt really listen

..and then i have stupid moments where i go -maybe i can go back to squash- please dont let stu read that last sentence! i think his eyes just rolled back in his head

..now thats just mean stu

oh and andrew-you really are a sweetie-and yes jh-did have a chuckle

..last nights comment-is why mr stu is mean-i DO not want to have to have 8 weeks off training- but i suppose if forced -i will but geewizz it will be a grumpy(and FAT) little miss surly jojo :(

anyway tonight just didnt feel right from the get-go so happy that i made the session.i think i just didnt eat enough...felt very weak and lack lustre
was supposed to be 5 100m strides(i found these really quite hard-shouldnt have),followed by 4x1km at 4:22min/km
pretty much hit these times
4:21.
4:22
4:24(slacker!!!)
4:21 all with 90s recovery
but was not a good session-struggled struggled struggled..but got there i suppose
..lets not discuss the back--err ok maybe a little..it is all encompassing for me at the moment :(

..but afterwards and before dinner -i sulked for a while on the bed-just trying to have 5-10mins alleviation of pain- seriously-maybe im a hypochondriac-maybe just like people feeling sorry for me?????????
so a few wines tonight have meant that i dont have to spend MINUTES trying to get from a seated to standing position..woohoo :) :)

..hmmmmm so i guess that means im not ostriching

first of all-i had done a whole post and the cheeky bugger went and got lost without saving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway
had the MRI tonight-arent they a bundle of joy-being inside a coffin like device from your head to your toe with god awful noises..anyway its for the best..i would give just about anything to get this back under control.. had to have panadeine for brekky again..becoming a right little junkie :(

i ran with the boys this arvo-bends and straights- i figured the back may as well be truly inflamed for the MRI-semi lol about 4kms in the 20 mins

..am very tired..not sure why-kinda feel like im getting a cold

,,and i was thinking before- what a completely different headspace i am in now than 15 months ago..its quite unbelievable... i wouldve sworn black and blue that there is no way i would have bought ,my own house and had my bf moving in with me.im very lucky to have met stu(who really is very lovely) and that he can put up with all my idiosynchrosies(im pretty annoying really).
i suppose i cant complain too loudly about my back-there are lotsa other good things happening-just need to focus a bit more on them than the unpleasantness
ciao anway fingers crossed that dr K can beat my stupid back into submission